Dissappointed

For the second time, i am writing about displeasing my Dominant. In a statement that i made and by my actions i totally ignored a task i had given me to write about my Dominant. i understand the importance of every task i am given because each task helps me grow but i still made a choice to do what i wanted to do rather than complete my task.

As a result of my disobedience, i drove a wedge between myself and my Dominant. As a result of my disobedience, i was essentially cut off from knowing Her words, thoughts, protection, and emotions.

Not being able to speak and interact with my Dominant and not sharing thoughts and ideas was one of the greatest punishments, and the feeling and emotions were so painful for me to endure.

My lack of attention and not following Her direction called into question the level of seriousness that i placed on my commitment to serve Her. Not complying with Her will showed a lack of respect for Her dominance.

The lesson i learned is simple: that i must always put my Dominant first. The relationship that i share with my Dominant is the most important relationship in my life. The truth is i’ve always had a problem prioritizing things in my life, and i should have trusted that she knows best for me.

One of the key elements i have learned on my journey is that trust and respect are essential elements of a D/s relationship. i’ve come to realize that this is the same exact failure that i wrote about in an earlier blog, and i need to improve. i should not be repeating the same error over and over again, doing so does not show growth or my willingness to change.  This is something I never thought i would struggle with, but I have repeated the same error, and i am displeased with my actions. i should have been patient and trusted because i know my Dominant knows what i need and that i don’t need to act on my own. i can see that my actions only made my words and commitment appear as if they were just words i was speaking and did not represent the life that i want to live. i appreciate Her presence in my life and i take my commitment to her seriously but my actions spoke a contrary message.

i know because of my lack of action that i deserved the feeling of emptiness that i felt deep within me,and that’s not a feeling that i like or want to experience again.

i belong to my Dominant and i want to be in her life to serve Her and all her needs. i know that i must have trust and can never hesitate when i am told to do something. i know Her role in my life is to guide me and shape me, and that can only happen if i listen to my Dominant and do all the things that She requires of me. i know how much i need Her to guide me and help me prioritize things in my life so that i serve Her and present Her my very best service. i believe that i belong to Her and my need is to serve Her will and desire. i put my own needs first because i did not trust that She had my best interests in mind, and i don’t ever want to make that mistake again.

i know that by managing my time and prioritizing the relationship i share with Her that it will only help do so in the rest of my life. Serving my Dominant is an honor and a privilege and i will accept this failure as my own doing and commit myself to making the improvement required to serve Her as She deserves. i will put my Dominants needs first, knowing that the relationship i share with Her will also satisfy all the other needs and requirements that i have in my life.

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