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My first task

For my entire life, i always had the desire to serve and to please others. i always thought this was because i was just a giving person. And now that i am older, i realize that it was much more than that to me. i was actually personally and sexually satisfied. Looking back at my life choices with partners and friends , i realize that i have always put myself into this position.
Today i had my first task to prove my worthiness as a submissive. i received my first task last night and i was so eager to complete this action of submission to the task giver . my task was to go to the store, pick out several items of clothing and take them to the dressing room.  The task was to undress and ejaculate on the mirror. i was directed no not clean it up my ejaculate and to leave the store.
i arrived to the store this morning at about 9:30 a.m. to begin the task that was issued to me. Walking around the clothing department thinking about this task was so arousing. The pounding in my heart, the warm and euphoric sensations building inside of me were overwhelming. i felt so weak just like each step was an affirmation of my desire to serve and to please.  There was also an inner peace inside of my body that was so calm , like i was floating. The task that was issued felt so right that i was always meant to complete this very tribute.
Taking the four items into the dressing room as instructed and then having to wait for a dressing room symbolizes how long i lived with these feelings and did not act on them. Knowing that i was taking an action to own my submissive nature has always been something i longed for and now i was finally claiming my submissiveness.
Sleeping last night and preparing for today was so fulfilling .During that time i thought about how i would undress, how quickly things would happen  and most importantly, if I would get caught what would i do. i knew in my heart and mind that i would never let the possible consequences deter me from completing the task.
As I undressed i did not look in the mirror at first. Knowing that there was a  woman just outside the door and the task i was getting ready to complete, i immediately became aroused. As I began touching me penis, i looked up and began gazing into my own eyes. For the first time in my life, i felt like i was actually seeing me. i was trying to be so quiet but inside i wanted to moan out loudly because i felt liberated and free. It was exciting to know that there were strangers walking by and I was experiencing an event that would change my life forever more.
i ejaculated within a couple of minutes because i was so turned on and I felt a little naughty. i also felt a lifetime of pressure and denial being lifted off me and for the first time in a long time, i felt complete and satisfied. i have not allowed myself to masturbate in over a week so my ejaculation was quick and thick. i was looking into my eyes as i ejaculated and the look on my face was that of perfect satisfaction.  Knowing that i was going to leave my ejaculate on the mirror in the dressing room and just leave was about my own awakening and a tribute to my Task Giver.  After i completed my task , I returned the clothes to the woman at the desk, and walked out of the store.
As i made my way to the front of the store, there was an announcement over the speaker for help with Customer Service Managers. i was wanting to speed up but i did not want to draw attention to myself so i just kept walking. As i exited to door of the store and looked at the video cameras in the parking lot, my heart was pounding out of my chest.  As i got in my car, started it up and took a deep breath, i drove away. Upon leaving the parking lot, i felt the same feelings as when i was looking in the mirror and ejaculating inside the store, of perfect completeness and satisfaction.
my first task feels like a task that was made especially for me. The perfect gift of a Dominant. A Dominant that knew what was best for me and on my submissive journey.
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Clitoris

This blog took a while for me to construct, mostly because i didn’t know as much as i thought i did. The amazing thing is that every time i started writing, i found something new and i wanted to learn more. Every article that i read sent me off in a new direction but i always focused on my task. i know i have a stubborn streak that i am working on and sometimes it’s because of a personal flaw, but other times it is my naivety and lack of knowledge. my Dominant has always told me that i need to listen, but during this blog, i came to the realization that meant to more than just her words.

my Dominant gave me the assignment to write about the Clitoris. The hope that She had in my learning about this amazing network was that i would have a better understanding of its function and purpose. Her hope was that the knowledge that i gained would be applied in order to bring Her pleasure. She told me that “by learning about the clitoris,” i would learn all kinds of things that i never took the time to know before. i think once a person gains an understanding of how something works, they become skilled at working with it. i read tons of articles, looked at diagrams, watched videos, and attempted to find one article that i could reference, and here are some of the things that i discovered. Most of the items i am going to write about today can be found in a blog from the Huffington Post, “12 Crazy Amazing Fact About the Clitoris” that was written in 2015. i also want to add that just like with every other lesson, She was correct.

There is more than meets the eye when it comes to the Clitoris. i always just thought of the Clitoris as something i could see, touch and lick. i don’t think i ever had any idea it was a complex and complete system. While i knew that touching the Clitoris brought pleasure to a woman, i never knew to what extent or why. i am a numbers guy so here is an amazing statistic. A woman’s Clitoris has 8,000 nerve endings, can i just say WOW? To put that into perspective, the clitoris has twice as many nerve endings as the penis and it connects and unlocks the key to an additional 15,000 nerve ending in a woman’s pelvic area. i can’t even imagine what it would be like to have 8 times the sensitivity and pleasure that i already feel; that must be amazing and overwhelming.  Unlike the penis, which serves multiple functions, the Clitoris is special. i have a new appreciation for the Clitoris in that its sole purpose is to bring pleasure to a woman.

It was amazing to learn the fact that when in the womb we were all the same until about the twelvth week of gestation. During that period is the time when our sexual characteristics change and we continue on in our journey to adulthood. i never really thought about it before but essentially the same tissue and system develop into a vastly different presentation as we mature. It was also a new fact to me that the adult Clitoris is just about as big as a penis that is not erect. Just like a penis, it grows with arousal, and the Clitoris can even double in size when aroused. What we see on the outside is only a glimpse of an entire system that is at work increasing her pleasure and sensitivity. i like what Sophia Wallace stated, “the Clitoris is not a button, its an iceberg.”

i find it ironic that most people feel comfortable just calling this a “clit” because i have done that too. The Clitoris is so much more than an abbreviation, it’s not a period, it is more like an exclamation point. It almost feels now when i said “clit” in the past that i was saying that is all i thought it was, kind of short and sweet. The Clitoris is a beautiful and complex, pleasure-giving system that i should have had more respect for and desire to understand. i should have learned more about what makes a Woman work than just relying on what i thought i knew.

i know this assignment was not about creating a medical journal about the Clitoris. i am so excited about the information i discovered, and i feel like i could continue to write for days, but just writing facts and quoting others is not what this was about. This assignment was about being aware and learning about unlocking the potential that exists for my Dominant. This was also about listening not just to Her words, but Her body. Now that i have a better understanding of the Clitoris, i feel like i am better equipped to listen and in turn, please Her. my Dominant deserves to be pleasured, and with this new information, i can’t wait to apply what i have learned.

i am thankful that my Dominant gave me this assignment.

Finger Fucking Her

She was laying there in bed next to me, and i was suckling Her nipples. my fingers gently touched and then stroked Her Labia. She told me not to be afraid as i slid my finger inside Her pussy.  i began stroking her anus, tentatively, and she again assured me that it was okay. As my finger entered into Her ass, i could feel her contractions and pulsations. Forr the first time ever, i was penetrating Her in a most intimate and erotic way.

If that experience was not amazing enough, things only got more intense. I inserted my pointer finger inside Her pussy, and before i knew it, i had two fingers buried inside Her.  She was so tight and wet, and the sensation was incredible. As i began stroking her pussy with both my fingers inside Her, i slipped my ring finger into Her incredibly tight ass.  As i began stroking Her with my fingers, She told me to go deeper.  i pressed my fingers deeper inside of Her and began to finger fuck Her. She rode my hand and as we moved together in a rhythm of unity, She began to masturbate, furiously stroking her clit.

i wanted the feeling and intensity to last forever. For me, it was as satisfying as penetrating Her with my penis. Just knowing that we were both working together to bring Her to orgasm, was amazing. my penis always desires to penetrate Her as that is one of my most treasured gifts, but finger fucking Her left me wanting nothing more. To see the pleasure of my Dominant is truly the greatest joy and desire that i hope to experience.  To feel Her body erupt in pleasure as my fingers were still buried deep in Her ass and pussy was extraordinary. Her body shook with the intensity of 9.8 earthquake on the Richter scale. When i removed my fingers from her body, i could smell Her aromas on my fingers. There is no end to the fascination that i have for Her.

She is authentic, and every thought in Her mind, ever curve of Her body is perfection.  i know that i have so much to still learn from Her, but this was a lesson and sensation that i will always remember.

Apology

i know that i put pressure on my Dominant to become more deeply involved in my life. my desire is to have my Dominant control me but i want to share my life with my Dominant.  i was stubborn and selfish and should not have made any demands on my Dominant.

Before any need or want or desire i have, my purpose is to serve my Dominant. i apologize for not relinquishing control to my Dominant.

Dissappointed

For the second time, i am writing about displeasing my Dominant. In a statement that i made and by my actions i totally ignored a task i had given me to write about my Dominant. i understand the importance of every task i am given because each task helps me grow but i still made a choice to do what i wanted to do rather than complete my task.

As a result of my disobedience, i drove a wedge between myself and my Dominant. As a result of my disobedience, i was essentially cut off from knowing Her words, thoughts, protection, and emotions.

Not being able to speak and interact with my Dominant and not sharing thoughts and ideas was one of the greatest punishments, and the feeling and emotions were so painful for me to endure.

My lack of attention and not following Her direction called into question the level of seriousness that i placed on my commitment to serve Her. Not complying with Her will showed a lack of respect for Her dominance.

The lesson i learned is simple: that i must always put my Dominant first. The relationship that i share with my Dominant is the most important relationship in my life. The truth is i’ve always had a problem prioritizing things in my life, and i should have trusted that she knows best for me.

One of the key elements i have learned on my journey is that trust and respect are essential elements of a D/s relationship. i’ve come to realize that this is the same exact failure that i wrote about in an earlier blog, and i need to improve. i should not be repeating the same error over and over again, doing so does not show growth or my willingness to change.  This is something I never thought i would struggle with, but I have repeated the same error, and i am displeased with my actions. i should have been patient and trusted because i know my Dominant knows what i need and that i don’t need to act on my own. i can see that my actions only made my words and commitment appear as if they were just words i was speaking and did not represent the life that i want to live. i appreciate Her presence in my life and i take my commitment to her seriously but my actions spoke a contrary message.

i know because of my lack of action that i deserved the feeling of emptiness that i felt deep within me,and that’s not a feeling that i like or want to experience again.

i belong to my Dominant and i want to be in her life to serve Her and all her needs. i know that i must have trust and can never hesitate when i am told to do something. i know Her role in my life is to guide me and shape me, and that can only happen if i listen to my Dominant and do all the things that She requires of me. i know how much i need Her to guide me and help me prioritize things in my life so that i serve Her and present Her my very best service. i believe that i belong to Her and my need is to serve Her will and desire. i put my own needs first because i did not trust that She had my best interests in mind, and i don’t ever want to make that mistake again.

i know that by managing my time and prioritizing the relationship i share with Her that it will only help do so in the rest of my life. Serving my Dominant is an honor and a privilege and i will accept this failure as my own doing and commit myself to making the improvement required to serve Her as She deserves. i will put my Dominants needs first, knowing that the relationship i share with Her will also satisfy all the other needs and requirements that i have in my life.

Our First Time

March 24th will be a day that i always remember and cherish for the rest of my life. As we laid in Her bed and we kissed and caressed, i knew that i was there for a specific purpose. She was stimulating my nipples with her pinches and touch, and i had never wanted to be inside a woman as much as i wanted to be inside of Her. Yesterday marked the day that i would never have to wonder again what it would be like to penetrate Her with my naked penis.

She was there laying on her back, and i climbed in between her luscious thighs. As i penetrated Her, i could feel my body tremble. She felt so amazing. We changed positions several times, and i finally found her on all fours on her bed. As i entered Her from behind, i could see Her beautiful body there in front of me. As i entered her from behind, i started to hyperventilate and for a moment i thought i was going to pass out.  i thrust my penis deep inside of her. As i ejaculated inside Her, i could feel myself filling her beautiful vagina up. I called her name. This was something that i wanted to do since the day i first met Her. i had wanted that experience for so long, and i wanted it to last forever. i did not want to wash her fluids off me, and i declined an offer to clean up afterwards. She later told me that She thought that was very erotic.

As i was alone in my bed last night, i could still feel myself inside of her. Knowing that her essence was still on my penis as i was sleeping last night made me throb and that has allowed me to continue reliving the experience. i knew as soon as i penetrated her that she would always feel this good to me, and i desire to be inside Her everyday.

Breast Feeding

i have never felt a deep desire and craving to be in an adult breastfeeding relationship until i met Her. The thought of bonding with Her in this special way is a unique hunger that i have  only with Her. i find Her breasts to be a very sexual and sensual turn on for me, but the want to breastfeed represents a deeper desire i have to bond with my Dominant. my desire to latch onto Her nipple, to exchange a closeness with Her is an emotion that consumes me. i want my desire and need to feed from Her to stimulate her body in such a way that Her body feels that connection and stimulates her mammary glands to lactate.

i know that my desire to nurse from her breasts as her children did is likely impossible, but i still want Her breasts to feed me like Her body feeds my desire.  i want to nurse on Her breasts and have Her express her life-giving milk into my body to nourish me and flow through me, touching every cell in my body and giving me life and sustenance. If that cannot happen, i still want the closeness that exists in that moment and the bonding that occurs during that intimate embrace.

The thought of laying in bed with Her, bonding with Her, gently rubbing Her back and caressing Her, as i am coupled with her in this special way is a desire i have with only Her. i imagine the room being so silent, just us together, the only sound in the room is our hearts beating in unison. Occasionally looking up into Her eyes and experiencing Her beauty in such an intimate way.

In a way, i feel like She gave life to me and the desires that i long to experience. For the first time in my life, i feel my life has purpose and meaning. That is not to say that i dont have value in my other relationships, but with Her, i feel complete for the first time in my entire life.

Her Breasts

When i first met my Dominant, it was at a park. The first couple meetings were more of an introduction and opportunity to get to know each other. Despite this, i still felt desire for Her physically. During our first meeting, i tried to peek at Her body and imagine what she actually looked like naked.

Now that we have shared several physical experiences, i find myself fascinated with her breasts and nipples. Her breast are perfect and so firm. i have a deep need and longing to worship, touch them, and feel her breasts press against me. When i hold Her breasts in my hands, they feel like they were made for me. i love the way Her body responds to my touch and Her nipples harden with my gentle caress. i love the way the softened shape changes as she becomes aroused.

my lips and tongue crave to kiss them and lick Her breasts. i want and need the closeness of suckling her nipples. i want our coupling to be sexual and about Her pleasure, but i feel a deep need and desire for intimacy with every touch, twist, tug and suckle of Her breasts. my mouth gets so wet when I think about her breasts and suckling her, especially when I think about how Her nipples become erect as they fill with passion and desire.

Feeling Her nipple passing over the top and bottom of my tongue and caressing the roof of my mouth is so arousing to me. i love the way each nipple feels in my mouth and it stirs in me the greatest desire i have ever experienced in my entire life. The love, the lust and the passion that burns inside of me is intense as i suck on Her breasts and look into Her eyes.